Welcome to Off The Top! I used to blog years ago and lost interest. What made me start again, a state of depression. Yep I said it, who wants to admit it, surly not me. I’ve always been perceived as the strong one, mainly because I’ve endured so much but rarely show my pain. I’m tired of holding it in and decided to write again which is a form of release for me.

Life has been hard lately. Mid 2023 I remember sitting in church and my pastor saying, “stand when I come down your block”. Meaning things that’s happening in your life that’s not favorable. He never came down my block, life was pretty good at that time and I felt blessed. There were so many times before that I would have needed additional legs for all the things I needed to stand for. Fast forward a couple of months later, I need those additional legs. It was if life said oh you’re doing good, oh let’s see.

In the latter part of the year health issues kept knocking at my door. One that could change my life forever. I pause just typing this, I’ll share in a later post the diagnosis. I believe in God but I surly had some questions. I have prayed and others have prayed for me so I am trusting him for a miracle. It’s just some days the thought of it possibly being a reality lingers.

As I attempted to deal more stressors entered. This year brought home repairs, kids father tragically passing among other things. I’ve been in a state of having zero motivation to do anything and just about everything irritated me. I kept saying, I need a vacation but a vacation is just a temporary fix. I had this desire to break out of this slump.

I laid on the floor of my office two days ago after work, looked up and God said fight. I thought how? Get up and move, do something for yourself. Now I didn’t get up immediately, I thought do I really want to. I eventually forced myself up, went downstairs played a Tina Turner vinyl, cleaned, recorded a video of my hallway refresh that was long overdue and wrote this post. Also because I believe in therapy I reached out to my companies EAP for a therapist referral. I’m on my way to mental healing.

Oh, I forgot I also had a glass of wine!!!