It’s new as of late for me and I’m working through how to handle it. It happens at different times and I know it’s caused usually because of stress or things that’s worrying me at the moment. The thing is it’s not as easy to turn off. I want to get control of it as much as I can before it gets worse. I had a period in my life that anxiety wreaked havoc on me.

One reason it started was because I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and my mind would not let me stop thinking I was going to have a stroke or die. I was taking my meds but it was a lingering thought. The second thing was I kept falling down my stairs and an aunt told me that the prior owner probably put a spell on the house since she did not want to move. Sounds crazy right, it sounds crazy now typing it. This was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I was scared to fall asleep and scared to take something to help me sleep as I might not wake up. When I look back I do not know how I was functioning because I was still working, driving, etc. I drove my daughter crazy as she was here with me during that time. It gave me a better understanding for people who suffer with mental illness. I did not seek help during this time mostly out of shame so I suffered in silence. I was in a relationship during this time and I didn’t even tell him what I was experiencing. What I learned from that experience was I had to stop listening to what people say to me. I’ve come to the point now where I will stop you mid sentence.

How did I get over that experience, GOD. I remember feeling so helpless and joining my now church home. It still took a little while to get through it but eventually one day I was well. So fast forward nearly five years later and the anxiety is back. This time I’m in therapy and monthly I speak to a healthcare representative from my medical insurance. One day out of the blue someone from Cigna called to go over all the benefits that they offer and wellness checks was one of them. Again God working sending me help when I needed it. I’m trying to allow myself grace with all that I’ve been through in these last months but I’m sure that anyone that suffers from any type of mental issues just wants to be well.

Both my therapist and Cigna representative have given some tools to help when anxiety strikes. Since works seems to trigger it sometimes to get up and walk away from my desk. I’m waiting on the weather to change so I can go back to sitting outside when I feel my stress level rising. It’s something about feeling the rays of the sun that helps me. Exercise is another way to release the tensions in my mind and body. I’ve made it a priority to work out 3 to 5 days a week. I mentioned earlier not letting people words trigger me. I have learned to set boundaries, I stopped sharing as much and I don’t allow people to dump on me. I’ll tell you quick that people get paid to get dumped on and it’s not me, I can’t handle it.

The biggest thing for me has been changing my thoughts. For me sometimes that means changing my environment. Since I work from home I need to get out which could be as simple as taking a drive. Outside is expensive so I need to find inexpensive things to do while out or my next anxiety will be triggered from money lol. Lastly, I’ve been practicing taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate and ease my mind. I know this will be a continued journey I’m an imperfect person living in an imperfect world. I’m just happy that I stopped being ashamed and sought the help to deal with it all.